the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
