we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
