it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
