i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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