The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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