so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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