I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
