So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
