Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
