I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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