I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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