you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
