Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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