just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
