had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
