The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sober January is a disaster.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm both gender and math confused
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
