My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
