1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
