just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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