go do what you do best...puke behind churches
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My vagina just recognized that song.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
