i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
