FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
