id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
