If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
