I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
