just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
