the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
