I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
