Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
