There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
