Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
