i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
