I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
