i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
