He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
