I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
