im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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