Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
