I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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