There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
