So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
