I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im six kinds of drunk right now
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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