If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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