her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
