I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
