i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
