So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
