This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
