you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
