Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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